How to Disagree With Your Partner and WIN

How to disagree with your partner and win

I have an amazing secret among my exes and it’s not for the reason you think (get your mind out the gutter). It’s not for amazing foreplay, the magic stick or mastering the five tips that magazines say will make a woman never leave you. It’s the fact I have never had a shouting match screaming loudly with any woman in any relationship, EVER.

In fact, many people find this very hard to believe, and by “many people,” I mean friends and family. Keep in mind, I’m a kind of man who speaks his mind win lose or draw. I have been told by many people — from my mother to a corporate attorney — I’m far too blunt for my own good.

Censorship? What’s that? I cannot compute. I’m a US Navy veteran so maybe that has something to do with it. However, when it comes to relationships I’ve learned a thing or two each time about how to disagree about virtually anything. And without ever having a fight. Here’s how:

1. Don’t address any issue immediately when it happens.

If your partner says or does something that drives you nuts, you probably want to yell at him/her. Even if you’re hurt for 10 minutes, give it an hour. You’ll just be mad instead (or maybe that’s just me).
However, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. I let my partner enjoy hours and hours of suspicious silence, where she’s wondering what the unlikely f*ck is going on. I’m suddenly quite interested in carpet designs and the sounds of water dripping from the tap.

I’ve become like a pro with this sometimes she – and the women before her – had absolutely no idea anything was wrong, until I decided to reveal it. This prevents me from unleashing the full force of my wrath, and it gives me time to blow off steam and address the issues later. At this point, the problem is no longer an immediate hurt, and it’s less important.

Sometimes, during this waiting period, your partner will also realize he/she did something wrong, and will fix it without any need for you to intervene. This is the best case scenario, but don’t get mad if it doesn’t happen.

2. Don’t let the issues build up.

I usually take anywhere between a few hours to a few weeks before I address an issue. However, it will be addressed, and usually when she least expects it.

It is good to give yourself some time to think and plan what you want to say. Choose your words wisely and don’t wait so long. The longer you wait your more inclined to become more and more angry as the behavior continues. Don’t be intimidated by the potential for an awkward conversation. Of course, it’s going to be uncomfortable. You can count on that.

Remember, not addressing issues that arrive in your relationship is even worse. What you ignore multiplies. And everything else he/she does will make you angry, and you’ll be snapping at each other on a road to a failed relationship in no time.

3. Think before you speak.

Often times, the only thinking we do before speaking is to conjure up the most hurtful things we can roll off our tongue at the person we might be planning our future. The truth is most people just want to talk and not listen.

If you find yourself boiling in silence, ask yourself some key questions. Did your partner really do something that warrants my anger, or am I just blowing it out of proportion? Is he/she the cause of my anger, or am I angry because he/she unknowingly stirred up old wounds?

Most of the time, the answers to these questions cause me to re-evaluate the situation before she even notices I’m upset. I realize she meant no harm, and maybe I’ve read too much into it. If I still believe she’s done wrong, I begin to plan for the conversation we will likely have about the issue.

4. Take the business meeting approach.

The last woman I dated before getting into a serious relationship had an insanely calm way of handling disagreements, so much so I use a similar method today. Whenever she sensed something wrong, she would call and say, “OK, I know I did something. Tell me what it is.”

Once I explained what was wrong, she would acknowledge her own fault and show me where I may have made some wrongs, too. Then she would say, “Well, this is what I’m willing to do about the issue,” and she would lay out a game plan for making amends.

When she was done, she would finish with, “Does that work?” A week later, she would check in to see if the problem had been resolved, and all would be well again.

This worked great. Great woman!

5. Stop complaining and ask questions, listen.

When your upset by your partner think about the reasons why. Is it on purpose or they just don’t care? However, a wise man told me there is a method to the chaos.

If your partner complains about your behavior or has a rebuttal for your complaint, just listen. What he/she has to say may give you an eye-opening perspective on the situation. And you might just miss the opportunity for an easy fix if you don’t give them a chance.

Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, and if you don’t have them someone’s hiding something. However, it doesn’t mean you can’t have them amicably without raising your voice and emotions running high. Feel free to like and share this message on your social media networks and I’m interested to hear your comments below.

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